5 – Attitude [Feed 2021]

[ Doing what you love. By understanding change. – A bite-sized blog series for mind explorers ]

What does “I feel … ” actually mean? It has to come from somewhere, right? No positive self-concept can possibly do us any good in the long run if we don’t check its roots. How we see ourselves is quite similar to scientific research. Points of view can turn out as wrong or are outdated. New insight can be found in old experiments or experiences. And then we can also choose to accept or reject new observations. We can even trick ourselves into believing that we are the only perfectly logical person on earth. The sheer success or detriment of a belief should be proof enough for us to tell how well it really works out. The whole array of negative emotions like anger, bitterness, resentment, alienation, sadness, fear, shame, jealousy, inadequacy, loneliness and many more tend to tell us al lot about what we need in the moment we are feeling them or what our current thinking process is producing. And this train of thought brings up quite curious questions:

  • How can we reach fulfillment?
  • How can we measure the progress towards it?

In other words: How can we know we are living a ‘good life’ based on our own definition? To figure this out, being honest to ourselves and becoming aware of how we work on the inside is completely indispensible to designing the life we want to have. In other words: we have to become capable of choosing among many options. Choice and therefore flexibility are the stepping stones to excellence. But first we have to clarify the reasons to have an idea of the means required.

The following list is not intended to be exhaustive. It will give you some initial tools to work towards shaping a well-founded perspective on life. They are meant as a starter to discovering your personal map of meaning.

  • If I start right now with working towards the life I dream of, what would be problems I encounter?
  • What role do pain and fear play in my conception of life? How can they help to find meaning?
  • When I’m looking back, what were the most fulfilling moments of my life so far?
  • What would I like to pass on to the next generation of world citizens?
  • What is beautiful about contributing to the success of other people?
  • If I had a chance to improve the world, what could I do?
  • What is my position towards the finite character of life?
  • How can I appreciate who I am and what I do?
  • What fascinates me about the miracle of life?
  • What defines a life worth living?
  • What is the meaning of pain?
  • Why does effort pay off?
  • How do I see hardship?
  • Where do I belong?
  • What is home?
  • What is love?
  • What’s missing?

Take your time to think about the questions; especially about those which got you hooked. The questions you are afraid of asking might bear even greater possibilities for growth. Allow yourself to get uncomfortable and work through the rough patches. It pays off. Unexpressed feelings will keep on coming back until they can’t be ignored any longer. Feeling the fear, allowing the pain to be felt and the anger to boil up is important (as long as you don’t harm others in the process). Feeling is healing.

What we are ultimately looking for is some kind of treatment for the circumstances we currently face. Our attitude defines how we face them.

Imagine a waterfall with a cave behind it. Our comfort zone is the cave. To explore the world we need to step through this waterfall. Looking from inside the cave towards the waterfall makes you notice some things: First of all, the water distorts and limits your view. You can’t exactly see what’s on the other side of that waterfall. Walking through the falling waters is inevitably linked to feeling uncomfortable. You feel the weight on your shoulders, you might not be able to breathe and the cold water drenches your clothes. After stepping through the waterfall you might feel a bit wrecked; and that’s where you need to scout around where you landed.

Now I have a little exercise for you:

  1. You are now sitting inside the cave behind the waterfall. Think of a goal you tried reaching for some time now but you can’t get yourself to do it.
  2. Instead of focusing on the waterfall, focus on how it would feel to have stepped outside. Imagine how it would make you feel to have made it through.
  3. Hold this feeling for a moment and make it stronger. Savor it.
  4. Take action.

Once we have a rough understanding of what awaits us by stepping outside through this metaphorical waterfall representing change, we might ask ourselves: Why step into the outside world and face circumstances and challenges that will require a tremendous effort to overcome?

Simple answer:

self-development, spiritual beliefs, living well, precious relationships and the feeling of uniqueness

We live according to the story that is manifesting in our mind, every waking second and while we sleep. Human thought has a narrative character and therefore we should be extremely careful about the story we place our own character in. We have no chance but to believe it anyway; maybe not instantly but at some point in time where the patterns have solidified into habits.

In this way we can form many habits that cannot be seen by the naked eye:

  • Reviewing memories and finding new uplifting perspectives to them
  • Finding wonderful possibilities to evolve and find joy
  • Planning ahead to establish some certainty
  • Focusing on the insight in every situation
  • Deepening the relationship with our self
  • Forming positive beliefs about our self
  • Looking for exciting opportunities
  • Developing self-compassion
  • Challenging personal limits
  • Trusting our intuition
  • Practicing gratitude
  • Following curiosity

Here’s a second exercise for you: Find a situation in your past that made you feel uncomfortable and ask yourself: “What can I learn from this memory that adds to my journey of self-improvement?” It’s not important how small the insight may be. What’s important is that you build a habit of seeing the good in any situation. This habit will be your major stepping stone towards many other habits. This keystone habit will help you to cultivate the points on the list above. Feel free to add your own points to the list too.

”Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Viktor Frankl

Our attitude decides how we see ourselves and the world. Managing to establish a positive view of self and acknowledging the good in the world will give us the strength to meet what’s actually going wrong on eye level and taking responsibility in alignment with our thoroughly reviewed principles which basically means: fixing what’s wrong instead of complaining about it. At the end of the day there is no other option anyway. No matter how hard it gets, seeing ourselves getting better through the struggle is the reward we were looking for all the time. Embrace the difficulty, believe in solutions and don’t forget creating joy while living this life.

References:

(last accessed 31.1.2021)

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